Alright America (and that includes you too, Canada),
Your condescending of soccer is getting slightly tiresome… Now I know you’re proud of your sports and that’s just dandy. But why won’t you just give shitting on ours a rest, huh?
Here’s a brief summary of the stuff you have to say about Soccer:
  1. How hard can it be to score on such a big goal for 90 minutes?
  2. These prancing ninnies get hit in the shin and spend 5 minutes rolling around, as if they broke their leg, then get up and run as if nothing happened.
This pretty much summarizes the problems that Americans seem to have with the most popular sport in the world (that is not America).
According to the top “American” sports in terms of popularity world-wide are:
Basketball (at #3, right after cricket), Baseball (at #8, right after Table Tennis… yes, Ping Pong) and the most American of all – American Football, you know, the game in which you hardly ever use your feet to do handle a ball (that’s not even a ball…) at a whooping #9.
So… I guess the billions of non-Americans have it wrong on that one too, eh?
Now, to your points my friends.
  1. I guess, since it’s such an easy task to score goals in soccer, a country of 350 Millions’ greatest achievement was the quarter finals in 2002. For comparison, Uruguay, a nation of just over 3 million, has won the world cup twice. I guess that’s why despite decades of play, the most common scores are 1-0 and 1-1.
  2. Well, there’s no argument about some soccer players being prima donnas. In my book, it’s better than juicing on steroids and hulking to inhuman forms to get picked up for football. It’s also better than using unauthorized equipment in baseball. It’s not like Hockey doesn’t have plenty of talented divers. You guys didn’t invent the term “Lebroning” for no reason, did you? 😉
Is there room for improvement? Of course there is. Is it as bad as you like to make it out to be? no way.
Why is soccer so popular? Well, there are different reasons.
The main one may simply be that it’s a sport anyone can play with little to no financial investment. The famous story about Pele starting to play barefoot as a kid, kicking a ball made of rags is just an example. This sport, at its core is for everyone. No need to buy any expensive gear. No need to drive in search of a place to play.
It’s a sport where little guys like Lionel Messi or Diego Maradona can excel. Because it’s actually about the skill, more than it is about physical advantage. It’s a sport where hard work does pay off.
It’s 90 minutes during which not many goals are scored, but at the professional level, there’s almost nonstop action. As opposed to… say… baseball…
It’s a sport where the really great artists of the game are remembered for something a little more inspiring than hitting a little ball with a stick really hard.
Pele, Maradona, Messi, all of the Ronaldos, Zidane, Di Stefano and others were able to shine, although the task of scoring goals is extremely tough. They were capable of performing some really outstanding things with a ball, using their feet and heads (and one unforgettable hand of course), mind you… They showed great intelligence while under pressure and captured billions in doing so.
So, please my American friends. No one’s forcing you to like this sport. But do us a favor and show a little more respect for what’s so rightly considered as the beautiful game.

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